THE STONKING STEPS, a journey through ING-ONG-UNG

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INTERESTS – While neurotypical interests may involve sports, ball games on television, neurotypical people’s friends, etc., Asperger interests may involve interstate highways, TV call letters, airports, airline arrival and departure schedules, weather statistics, Gilligan’s Island, different brands of cars, and so forth, just as Norwegian interests involve tales of trolls, giants, and gnomes, and Brazilian interests involve dancing the samba. Strictly speaking, many Asperger people don’t fit in with groups of neurotypical people because of a lack of similar interests, just as North Americans many not fit well into societies in places like Iran, China, or Portugal.

LANGUAGE – Even though the official language of the Asperger populations of Canada and the United States is English, Asperger English and neurotypical English are two separate languages. Just as an English speaker may not fit into a country like China or Japan because he/she doesn’t understand the language, an English-speaking Asperger may not relate well to English-speaking neurotypical people because of language incompatibility. The most difficult dialects of neurotypical English for Asperger people to learn are those spoken by college instructors, textbook writers, people who write instruction manuals, e.g., for operating computers, VCRs, etc., and business people (particularly those involved in government and law). Expecting an Asperger to understand those dialects is almost like expecting an English speaker to understand Finnish or Hungarian.

Another indication of neurotypical English being difficult for Asperger people is that some words and phrases are often not used to match their meanings. For example, “trimming” officially means cutting. However, when neurotypical people speak of “trimming” a Christmas tree, they mean decorating the Christmas tree. In addition, if a neurotypical woman says that her husband “brings home the bacon”, she means that he earns enough money to buy food for the whole family; she doesn’t mean that her husband buys bacon. As well, the neurotypical word “camp” may refer to a summer program that is entirely held in a city. There is no camping or even going out into the country. Many of these so-called “camps” are almost entirely indoors.

FOOD – Asperger cuisine may consist of white food, creamy food, or for the most part, bland food.

CLOTHING – The Asperger dress might include light, soft clothing, like sweat pants and rugby shirts.

VALUES – Probably the most important value of the Asperger culture is communicating with people like oneself. While Asperger people may communicate poorly with neurotypical people, they communicate very well with each other, because they speak in the same language and share similar interests. We Aspergers do not need neurotypical people to teach us social skills. We just need opportunities to communicate with each other so we can have close friends just like everyone else!

The following is a list of suspected Aspergers from TV and movies.

FRED (“LITTLE MAN”) TATE – A seven-year-old genious in Cincinatti, Ohio, who did not fit into the neurotypical world. However, he related beautifully with other people like himself.

GILLIGAN (“GILLIGAN’S ISLAND) – The bumbling first mate on the S.S. Minnow, who was also literal-minded in a humourous way. Many episodes of the show brought the castaways on the brink of rescue from the deserted island, but Gilligan would inadvertantly foil up their plans.

FOREST GUMP – Known for excelling at certain things and being very poor in others.

SCHROEDER (from the “Peanuts” comic strip) – Known for his amazing ability to perform classical music and spending all his waking time with his toy piano.

CHARLIE BROWN – Known for his passiveness and his inability to fit in with his peer group.

BERT (from “Sesame Street”) – Bert is also passive, and prefers to be in his own world. He becomes annoyed if someone tries to involve him in their games, therefore disturbing his peace. Like many Aspergers, Bert has unusual obsessions, including pigeons, paper clips, and bottle caps. He also likes plain, simple food, like oatmeal.

CALVIN (from “Calvin and Hobbes”) – It is obvious that Calvin is amazingly bright, hence his adult-like, complex speech and his ability to build exotic characters out of snow. As well, Calvin is not involved with other children at all and has no desire to be. He much prefers animals to people, and is known for his obsession with tigers.

AMELIA BEDELIA – This housemaid of the popular children’s series by Peggy Parish is known for her literal-mindedness. For example, when she is asked to prune the hedges, she might stick prunes on them; when she is asked to draw the drapes, she will draw pictures of them, etc.

RAMONA QUIMBY – This young girl of the popular children’s books by Beverly Cleary is also literal-minded. For example, on the first day of kindergarten, the teacher tells her to sit in a certain seat for the present, meaning “sit there for now”. However, Ramona thinks that the teacher means she will get a present and is all excited. Of course, when she learns that that wasn’t what the teacher meant, she is bitterly disappointed.

In addition, I perceive the narrator in Simon and Garfunkel’s hit, “I Am a Rock”, to be an Asperger. The person in the song has “no need for friendship; friendship causes pain”. He is satisfied in his own world. Such was very much the case with me when I was a preschooler. I would sit, play, and run around by myself. I especially enjoyed playing in the sand. If other children tried to play with or talk to me, I felt they were trying to rouse me from my peace, and I wished they would leave me alone.

I am opposed of neurotypical people trying to turn us Aspergers into them, e.g., teaching social skills, trying to make us obsessed with ball games, etc., instead of airports and “Star Trek” episodes. It is like people from, say, Japan, trying to make Canadian cultures similar to Japanese cultures.

Strictly speaking, just as Harry Potter didn’t fit into the Muggle (non-wizard) world but fit into the wizard world very well, Asperger people fit far better into the Asperger world than they fit into the neurotypical world.

More than 90% of the world’s population is neurotypicalistic. As a consequence, society is largely set up for people with neurotypicalism and primarily shuts out the non-neurotypicalistic population.

CHARACTERISTICS OF NEUROTYPICALISM

1. INSENSITIVITY TO THE REALITIES OF HUMAN BEINGS This is most evident in government-run institutions. The neurotypical people in charge may express interest only in enforcing sets of unrelated rules despite the strengths and needs of clients.

Example #1: Mark, who was an Asperger, wanted more than anything to work with elderly people in a nursing home. He had been majoring in rehabilitation in a local community college. Although he successfully completed the academic parts of the program, students were required to complete practicums, in which they worked in a real job setting. Students were expected to learn how to perform duties through class lectures and exams, and they were required to function at the professional level by the end of the practicums, which were two to four weeks long. Mark benefited little from lectures, written assignments, and exams, but was quite capable of learning through hands-on experience.

In order to complete his practicums, Mark required a coach to guide him until he was able to function professionally, without supervision. In addition, he required unlimited time to complete the practicum. Unfortunately, the college staff, who were neurotypicalistic, refused to provide Mark with the above services and claimed that they were not at liberty to do so. As a consequence, he did not graduate from the rehabilitation course.

Mark then appealed to the Human Rights Commission. The neurotypicalistic people in charge engaged in a long investigation process in which they obtained information from the college staff regarding the reason why Mark was denied services. The Human Rights staff showed little interest in Mark’s side of the story, but claimed that it was their policy to base their decision regarding whether or not to take action on the college administrators’ side of the story only. As a result, they dismissed the complaint after reading Mark’s file, because “they were satisfied that he was denied services”.

Example #2: A neurotypicalistic-run society for autism in one city organized a summer program for children with autism, or Asperger children. Art, who was an Asperger, was quite capable of working with autistic children. However, the program was set up so that a car would be required to drive the children around (as if cars cost a dollar a dozen!), because, according to the supervisors, “using public transportation was time-consuming”. If one had a low income and couldn’t possibly afford a car, tough toenails! It didn’t mean a thing to the administrators that cars cost thousands and thousands of dollars!

AAAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHH!!!

Art was able to work with the program once a week, on group days (on other days, the workers would be left alone with the children, and they would have to drive them around). He was known for his excellent rapport with young children, particulary non-neurotypicalistic children. But because there was no way he could afford the required car, he had no chance in the world for a promotion. And all because the autism society staff were far more concerned about enforcing the requirement of owning a mercilessly expensive and difficult-to-maintain car than Art’s excellent ability to work with children. Similarly, Marcia, who also worked for the summer program on group days, could not be hired to work full-time, even though she possessed all the necessary skills, because she didn’t own a @#%*@ car!

BLAM! BLAM!

CRASH!!!

BONK!

CLATTERCLATTERCLATTER!

Example #3: Tyler, who is an Asperger, was bullied by some kids in the washroom at school. Following this incident were his sessions with his speech therapist and guidance counselor. Tyler needed someone to talk to right away. Unfortunately, his 30 minutes of speech therapy came first. When he started talking about the problem with Mrs. Redekopp, she cut him off and said, “You can talk about your personal problems only to Mrs. Dahlem. I am your speech therapist: I can only help you with your language skills.” Mrs. Redekopp, a woman with neurotypicalism, was only concerned about her own duties, never mind that there was a kid in distress!

2. INABILITY TO EXPRESS ONESELF CLEARLY Many people with neurotypicalism tend to speak in long, complex sentences in which a great number of words are used but very little information is gained. This is particularly evident among college lecturers. As well, people demonstrate an inability to talk clearly when writing instructions in a textbook or for operating pieces of technology, e.g., VCRs, computers, etc. Many non-neurotypicalistic people describe these instructions as being written in Finnish, Hungarian, or even Martian. In addition, neurotypicalistic business persons attending meetings or conferences tend to be unable to speak clearly.

3. INAPPROPRIATE USE OF LANGUAGE Neurotypicalistic English includes words and terms whose meanings do not match their origins. The following are examples of the version of English spoken by the neurotypicalistic population:

Example #1: A large cooking pot is often referred to as a Dutch oven, even though it is neither from the Netherlands nor an oven.

Example #2: “Quite a few” is a common neurotypicalistic English term. Quite means completely and a few means a little; yet, when neurotypicalistic people say “quite a few”, they mean a lot, not completely little.

Example #3: People often refer to decorating a Christmas tree as trimming a Christmas tree, even though they don’t cut the tree at all.

Example #4: A hamburger patty is often referred to as a hamburger steak or a Salisbury steak, even though it isn’t a true steak. At one particular time, a teenage boy who was living in a poor family had hamburger patties for supper all the time. He was sick, sick, sick of them. Anyway, he saved his money for months to go out for a steak. Finally, when the time came, he ordered a Salisbury steak. Imagine how disappointed the poor kid felt when it came and it turned out to be a hamburger patty! Why call a stupid hamburger patty a steak!

Example #5: Summer day programs held in urban community centres are commonly called “camps”, even though they don’t involve any camping at all, or even going out into the country. These day programs are really boring day care, in which there may be extended periods of time sitting around, doing nothing at all.

Example #6: A neurotypicalistic person writing an American History textbook might write, in a list of questions, “On what grounds did Truman fire Governor MacArthur?”, meaning “Why did Truman fire Governor MacArthur?”, even though Truman probably didn’t do the firing on any geographical grounds.

Example #7: Neurotypicalistic people tend to say things that they don’t mean. For example, a woman may say that her husband brings home the bacon when she means that he earns enough money to feed his family, even though her husband usually doesn’t buy bacon.

4. INAPPROPRIATE LAUGHING AND/OR NOISE The majority of neurotypicalistic people tend to laugh when nothing is funny. In addition, these people may talk and laugh loudly and make other kinds of unnecessary noise.

Example #1: At a wedding reception, the groom’s father may read several pages of eenie-meenie-minee-moe about the bride and groom to the audience. The neurotypicalistic people present will engage in laughing, even though there is very little to laugh about.

Example #2: A person who is supposed to be very funny may tell ding-dong-doh about the U.S. Congress or the Canadian Prime Minister to an audience. Even though there is nothing funny about it, the audience of neurotypicalistic people will laugh.

Example #3: A group of neurotypicalistic people may lack the initiative to control their volumes when talking and/or laughing. As well, they may pound their fists on the table.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

(POUND, POUND, POUND)

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

This tendency is most commonly observed at meetings, gatherings, and parties (particularly consisting of young adults) held in pubs. Many non-neurotypicalistic people describe the above noise as sounding like lions. (Daniel must have experienced something like that when he was in the lion den.) As well, this weakness is prevelant in young people’s house-warming parties which (usually) consist of “booze”. If you receive an invitation to a party and you don’t wish to hang out with people getting drunk and acting boisterous, steer clear of those which state “B.Y.O.B.” or are advertised as being held in a pub.

5. INAPPROPRIATE ORGANIZATION OF RULES Neurotypicalistic people who are in charge will often make or enforce rules that are considered by many non-neurotypicalistic people to be “missing the point”.

Example #1: An employer who posts a job opening might list inappropriate qualifications for the job, such as “Minimum of 5 years’ experience required”, “Must be receiving Unemployment Insurance benefits”, “Must be a student”, etc.

Example #2: Job supervisors often post inappropriate dress codes to employees, e.g., refusing brown shoes with blue slacks, requiring workers at Rogers Video to wear denim shirts, requiring taxi drivers to wear tan slacks, etc. Similarly, one inappropriate dress code typical of high schools involves requiring physical education students to wear the same colour of gym shorts and T-shirts, e.g., red T-shirts and black shorts.

Example #3: After passengers who are bound for the United States clear customs in Canadian airports, they are not allowed to return to the main terminal, because, as the customs officials state, once they clear customs, they are part of the United States.

Example #4: Many shops require customers to leave all bags at the counter, even though they are being electronically monitored. Because there are black-and-white checked tiles on the floor? Beats any non-neurotypical person.

6. STEREOTYPING THE NON-NEUROTYPICALISTIC POPULATION People with neurotypicalism often run facilities to accomodate non-neurotypicalistic people. They claim that they know everything about the non-neurotypicalistic population (most evident in doctors). As well, they take only one approach to all clients and are insensitive to the strengths and needs of individual clients.

Example #1: In a group home for autistic people that is run by neurotypicalistic people, John is not allowed to go out on his own, even though he is quite capable, because, according to the neurotypicalistic population, “autistic people are not independent”.

Example #2: Neurotypicalistic people often run sheltered workshops for non-neurotypicalistic people. In these workshops, the employees, often referred to as “clients”, do ding-dong-doh like stuffing envelopes, packaging emergency blankets, assembling golf clubs, etc. for seven or eight hours a day. They have little chance of promotions, even though they could be more capable of doing more rewarding work, because the neurotypicalistic believe that “that is all that disabled clients” (non-neurotypicalistic people) “can do.”

Example #3: In day programs for the non-neurotypicalistic, the neurotypicalistic people who run them might treat the members like little children. For example, they might take teenagers or adults to play on playground equipment or to the children’s department of the public library. Or they might have adult members listen to Raffi, Fred Penner, or Sesame Street albums. Or worse, they might read easy children’s books to members who are in their twenties. And all because those neurotypicalistic people believe that the members of the day programs can only do those things, even though many of them may like country music, Robin Williams movies, symphony, etc.

Example #4: The reason why most facilities to accomodate non-neurotypicalistic people are run by neurotypicalistic people is because most neurotypicalistic people don’t believe that the non-neurotypicalistic are any more capable of running these facilities than a five-year-old is of running a school board. On the contrary, however, non-neurotypicalistic people who know a great deal more than the neurotypicalistic will ever know could be very good at running institutions for the non-neurotypicalistic. The reason being is that they understand what it is like to be non-neurotypicalistic; therefore, they are often capable of making the best judgements.

7. INAPPROPRIATE USE OF MONEY Neurotypicalistic people who run businesses often spend money on building and technology and are insensitive to the needs of living creatures.

Example #1: In one city, the public school board claimed that it could not provide services for non-neurotypicalistic students due to lack of funding. Around that time, the school board had an ultra-modern school board office built for the administrators. It cost tens of millions of dollars. The money could have instead helped millions of non-neurotypicalistic children. However, the school board claimed that whenever funding was low, special education services were the first to go.

Example #2: During the mid-20th century, neurotypicalistic business workers in Arizona had dams built across the Colorado and Salt Rivers to make mountains of money. This has resulted in excessive damage to the Arizona countryside, as well as severe water shortage for the Aboriginal people who have lived along the rivers.

Example #3: The Canadian government has recently passed a law in which if one receives a package from another country with a value over a certain amount, he/she must pay a duty-free tax, which may be as much as $80.00. If that person is poor, so what?

Example #4: Airline passengers departing from Vancouver International Airport must pay a so-called “Airport Improvement Fee” of ten dollars.

8. POOR LISTENING SKILLS People with neurotypicalism are often insensitive to the opinions of other people. They are bent on obtaining their own ways, and in many cases, will cut other people off if they attempt to express their opinions. For example, Mark (see Section 1: Insensitivity to the Realities of Human Beings) explained his individual needs. The college professional cut him off and claimed that “the department was not at liberty to provide alternative services”.

9. ISOLATING THE NON-NEUROTYPICALISTIC This tendency is most commonly observed in large groups.

Example #1: 26-year-old Shelley, who is an Asperger, was attending a young people’s church group. There were about twenty people in the group, all of whom were neurotypicalistic. One person was talking about ump-bitty-ump-bitty-ump-bump-fizz and five people were listening, while another person was talking about minny-monny-moongah-ganga-dinky-danky-doh and four people were listening, and so forth. There was not a single person in the group who wasn’t listening to the nonsensical talk who Shelley could relate to individually. In other words, not a soul in the group bothered to interact with Shelley on a one-to-one basis, so she was treated as though she were invisible.

Example #2: Jonathan, a ten-year-old Asperger boy, enjoyed very much playing games involving turn-taking, or other predictable games such as hide-and-seek. However, the neurotypical children in his neighbourhood were only interested in unpredictable games, such as baseball and soccer. Rather than helping Jonathan to learn how to play the games or playing predictable games with him, the kids responded to him as much as they would a statue on a pedestal. In other words, they ignored him, or made up lies and excuses, e.g., “Your mom said you’re not allowed to play soccer with us”, “No, Jon, you’ll get hit with the ball”, etc.

I enjoyed this preschool very much. I was very scared at first, though this was a child’s normal fear of going to new places. So, when my dad would take me over to the preschool, we would do fun things, at my level, on the way. He would ride me to school on his bike and we’d look into the storm drains to see if there was any water in them, since I loved water at the time (This included watching water in the toilet after flushing it). As well, we would look for puddles on the parking lot. And if there were no puddles, we’d shake the trees (these were new, small trees).

Soon, I was no longer afraid, and I liked the school. This place was at First Congregational Church in Tempe. It was a white stucco church that looked like somewhere from the Mediterranean, maybe southern Spain or southern Italy. The teachers at the preschool were close to the kids, were called by their first names, and had loving characters. I didn’t mix well with other children, so I pretty much depended on the teachers for companionship.

In addition to the loving atmosphere created by the teachers, the building atmosphere itself was memorable, particularly the church’s courtyard (Many churches in Arizona and the American Southwest have courtyards). We would linger out there in the summer, when it was a nice, cool, and shady retreat from the scorching Arizona heat. There were wading pools and we would play with water hoses. I also remember playing Red Rover in the courtyard.

Another thing we’d do in the summer was go for short walks to a campus fountain and bathe in it.

I attended this preschool for 18 months, from March 1972 to September 1973, when we moved to Rochester, Minnesota, for a year, where my dad was to complete an internship for psychology at the Mayo Clinic.

The first half of that year, I went to a daycare at a suburban Lutheran church, since my mom also had to work (at McDonald’s). Unfortunately, the MP Daycare was not as loving as the preschool in Arizona. It was much more regimented (and the teachers were called Mrs. and Miss So-and-so). The place was big and airy and not very cozy or homey. I was especially afraid of Miss R, who was short and young and would get mad at me for doing things I didn’t know I’d done.

I don’t know that the daycare staff liked kids who were “different”. I’m especially saying this because, for some reason, I wasn’t allowed to attend, or even go to, the Christmas program. Probably because they didn’t know what I could do in the program. I don’t remember that incident, but I remember my dad talking about it. (When I was in Grade 1, our teacher kept the whole class out of the Christmas pageant because he “didn’t know what we could do there”. This teacher and class are further described in my essay “K-12 education”.)

One of the biggest issues of the MP Daycare was when I had to take a nap at naptime. If I fell asleep at all, I would, for some reason, wake up very depressed and in tears. On a few occasions, I would go to sleep not bothered about anything, but the next time I was conscious, I would find myself sobbing and crying out of control. I was even up on my feet when I came to, and naptime was already over. Ever since then, I’ve been mystified by this, wondering how this sobbing fit had started. The teachers weren’t much comfort to me when this happened. They probably thought I was just having a tantrum. But I was afraid to take naps for this reason, afraid of falling asleep.

Fortunately, for most of the rest of the time I was at that daycare, I was put in a small group of children that was mostly involved in listening to stories, and I liked being in that group a lot. I don’t know but I think I might have been moved there because naptime was too much of a dilemma for me. Once, however, when the teachers thought I needed a nap, I was put into a small, quiet room with wall-to-wall carpeting by myself. I slept, but slept peacefully, and when I woke up, I was somewhat dazed, but it was far from being a dilemma.

Another thing that helped me at the MP Daycare was colour spots. At this age, I was wild about crayons and loved to look at them. So I loved it when there were big paper crayons on the bulletin board in the playroom. They must have been put up there to teach kids about colours. The paper crayons were only there temporarily, but one of the teachers – Miss R, in fact – painted a mural on a glass door. The mural represented a donkey and was very colourful. I loved it. The donkey mural was at least a warm and comforting contrast to the airy and not-very-cozy atmosphere.

Later, in what must have been March (I didn’t know the months at the time), I was moved to another daycare. This one was in the Rochester city centre, only a few blocks from the Mayo Clinic. We had heard about the CL daycare right after we first came to Rochester, but there was no space for me until now, and all the time I’d been at the MP Daycare, I’d been on a waiting list to get into this one. My mom and dad really wanted to get me in the CL because they didn’t have to pay for it, but more importantly, it seemed much nicer than the other one, and much homier. It was. It was in a nice old house that had existed at least since the 1930s, and it was cozy. The teachers here were loving (even though they too were called Mrs. and Miss), whereas those at the MP Daycare had been much more regimented.

I still didn’t relate well to other kids, and I do remember getting teased by the kids at the daycare, but that wasn’t much of a concern to me at the time. What counted was that I could depend on the teachers for companionship. I loved being pushed on the swings outside and would get quite frustrated if teachers tried to encourage me to pump up under my own strength.

Lunches here were great, with home cooking, whereas we had to take our own lunches to the MP Daycare. As well, naps at the CL Daycare weren’t so much an issue for me as they had been at the other place. In fact, I used to enjoy naps here. I rarely slept, but would lie quietly on my back, especially if music was being played on the record player. I enjoyed the music and remember hearing selections from Snow White, Peter Pan, the Three Bears, the Wizard of Oz, etc., as well as Burl Ives songs.

I missed the CL Daycare when we moved back to Arizona. Even though I was now five, I resumed preschool for a brief time when we got back because my future was up in the air and we didn’t know what school would be appropriate for me. I went back to the university preschool for about a week, but it wasn’t working out for me anymore, I think because I was getting too old for it. Then, upon recommendation of a family, my parents tried me out in PA Preschool. It was a disaster, since the teachers were regimented and paid little attention to the kids, apart from lectures and discipline. But I only stayed there for about a couple of weeks. My one fond memory of the place was playing with water in the church courtyard (PA Preschool was in a church). But then I was enrolled in kindergarten in a self-contained classroom at an elementary school, and this went very well for me. More details in my “K-12 Education” essay. “A Nursery School Trio” is really a prequel to that essay.

Strictly speaking, a warm and accepting atmosphere was vital for me when I was a preschooler. It still is. It’s hard for me to function in a cold and regimented environment.

THE BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOUR

• Anchovy Swirl
• Baloney Bologna (If you like bologna ice cream, which I assume you do)
• Sardine
• Spinach Slime
• Tuna
• Hotdog Hash
• Marvelous Meatloaf
• Salmon
• Liver
• Tripe Trifle
• Asparagus
• Ketchup-and-Mustard-and-Relish Camouflage
• Salt-and-Pepper
• Cheeseburger Chew
• Turkey
• Bacon
• Sauerkraut Sundae
• Broccoli Bonbon (If you love broccoli, you’ll LOVE this!)
• Turnip
• Savory Sausage
• Ravioli
• Garlic
• Cabbage

…plus the obligatory chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.

OTHER BEST FOODS IN THE WORLD

• Frozen green pea soup on a stick
• Chocolate-covered brussels sprouts
• Pepperoni pizza with three scoops of vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup
• Spaghetti with marshmallows and gravy
• Brussels sprouts with mayonnaise and peanut butter
• Hamburger with cottage cheese, a pineapple ring, and a maraschino cherry
• Hotdog with bananas, candy sprinkles, and French dressing
• Oatmeal porridge with Thousand Island dressing and mustard
• Jello with pickles and olives
• Dill pickle milkshakes
• Pickle Jello
• Strawberries and gravy
• Pepperoni pizza with licorice chunks, sliced bananas, marshmallows, mushrooms, and jelly beans
• Chocolate ice cream with Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Ravioli
• Chicken stew served in a cantaloupe
• Ginger ale and ketchup
• Cereal with salt on it
• Tuna meringue pie
• Chicken noodle Kool-Aid

The following are examples of such episodes.

1) Many people with autism have great difficulty judging by people’s voice tones whether or not it is all right to join in a conversation. Such was the case with Raymond, a teenager with Asperger’s. In the summer he was fourteen, he helped his father and stepmother Nancy move from Arizona to Missouri (Raymond lived with his mother in Colorado and he visited with his father and Nancy every summer, Christmas, and Easter). They moved to Missouri in July and Raymond’s dad and Nancy stayed in a condo until they moved into their new house the following January. Well, one day the following summer when Raymond, now fifteen, was visiting with his dad and Nancy, a lady came to their house. She turned out to be the Avon lady and she had come to discuss business with Nancy. At one point, the Avon lady asked Nancy when she and her husband moved into their new house. Nancy replied, “We moved into our house on January 15th.” Raymond, who was in the dining room (there was no wall between the dining room and the living room) announced, “We moved into this town last July and my dad and Nancy stayed in a condo for six months!”

After the Avon lady left, Nancy told Raymond in an angry voice that he had been extremely rude. Raymond stated that he just wanted to join in the conversation. Nancy gave him a good lecture about how it was none of his business, and that he was fifteen years old and should know better than to meddle in things like that. But the problem was Raymond couldn’t tell that their guest had been a business lady. It could have been a friend coming over for coffee. Even adults talking about sad things, like someone’s sick children, could have been casual talk during which it was OK to joke around.

2) Adam, who also had Asperger’s, went to Britain by himself when he was 23 years old. He took a solo tour of London, England, Wales, and Scotland, and then went to visit with relatives in Nottinghamshire, in the East Midlands. He had a very good relationship with his cousin Max, who was in his forties (though he had equally good relationships with his other relatives, too). However, on the day Adam was to fly back to Edmonton, Alberta, where he lived, Max wanted to drive him to Heathrow Airport, because Max liked going there to watch the airplanes. He was obsessed with motor vehicles. But who would have thought that? Adam protested with Max against driving him, and that he was planning on taking the train to the airport instead, because he wanted to save Max time and energy and not make extra work for him. Adam didn’t want to feel guilty about using Max. But Max really wanted to drive Adam to the airport because he wanted to see him off and, as I said before, he liked to drive there himself to watch the airplanes. As it turned out, Max drove Adam and saw him off. However, Max’s feelings were hurt. He suspected that Adam didn’t like him and he mentioned that to Adam’s parents. They understood Adam perfectly, though, and knew how much he’d meant well. So when Adam wrote a thank-you note to his relatives in England for their nice time, he mentioned to Max what his intentions had been, and he, too, understood.

3) Julie was 33 years old and had Asperger’s syndrome. She lived in Winnipeg, Manitoba, and had a young penpal named Erika, who also had Asperger’s and lived in Massachusetts. Erika was eleven. The two were very fond of each other. They mostly communicated by e-mail and Julie was also very good friends with Erika’s mom, Treena. Well, one day, Julie and Erika were talking on the phone. Erika’s biggest worry was that her mother would force her to take gymnastics. She didn’t want to be in gymnastics because she had heard about a lot of kids who were “different” getting bullied in those gymnastics classes. So a few days later, Julie e-mailed Treena about Erika’s fear of being in gymnastics so that Treena would encourage her daughter that she wouldn’t force her to join, and that Erika wouldn’t be worried anymore. Unfortunately, Treena was the sort of person who felt that kids should be forced to do things if they were scared of them, so that they would get over it. But Julie didn’t know this. And so, she got a call from Erika, who was in tears, saying that her mom was forcing her to take gymnastics. And then Erika had to endure bullying by her fellow gymnastics students for one night a week. Fortunately, though, when it became evident that Erika was being bullied, her mom let her quit, which was about two months later, for Treena couldn’t stand it when kids bullied her daughter. And after that, when Erika told Julie about being worried that her mom would force her to do things, Julie would e-mail Treena and mention related incidents from her own past, as well as those she had witnessed herself. That seemed to help a lot, and Erika wasn’t forced to do those things.

4) Courtney was eight years old and had Asperger’s. One day, a family whose seventeen-year-old daughter Heather babysat her frequently, was over visiting. Heather’s mother, Vicki, talked to Courtney’s mom about Heather falling off her bicycle and grazing her arms and knees. Courtney asked Vicki, “Did Heather cry?” Vicki replied yes. Later, Courtney’s mom took Courtney aside and told her in a reasonable, though not angry, voice that it was not appropriate to ask questions like that, because it “made people embarrassed”. She stated that “it was personal”. Courtney was embarrassed out of her wits. She had no idea that it was inappropriate to ask questions like that. She thought she had asked a very reasonable question.

5) Here is another example of asking an inappropriate question. One day Jared, an eight-year-old with Asperger’s, and his parents and sister, were staying in a motel. A person knocked at the door and who should it be but the cleaning person (it was early afternoon). This person had short, dark hair, and looked like neither a man nor a woman. So Jared went up to this person and asked, “Are you a man or a woman?” The person looked embarrassed and Jared’s mom looked at Jared sternly and said, “Jared! Shhhhhh!” Jared asked, “Was I too loud?” And his mom whispered in his ear, “You do not ask people that kind of question. That’s very rude!” But Jared had no idea that that was not acceptable in society. He thought he’d asked a reasonable question. By the way, the person told Jared her name was Laureen. So it was a woman.

6) Many people with Asperger’s also don’t know certain rules of society that other people their age have known for some time. For example, Wade, who was sixteen years old, lived in a small Midwestern town. One evening, he was going out on a date with a girl named Carla (Wade had asked Carla out). They were going bowling. Well, Wade had no idea that it was customary for boys to pay for their dates; thus, he assumed that Carla had money too. When they got to the bowling alley and were ready to pay, Wade had money, but to his horror, Carla had none with her, and Wade didn’t have any money for her. So Carla decided she’d call her parents if they couldn’t bowl. It didn’t even occur to Wade that they could just go for a walk or something like that.
Within half an hour, Wade and Carla were back in their own homes. Wade asked Carla out several more times, but she never said yes again. But Wade wasn’t trying to be selfish. He just didn’t know that it was customary for boys to pay for dates.

As well, many people with autism and Asperger’s may answer others in whiny or plaintive voices without meaning to, such as when someone invites them to do something and they don’t want to, or if someone is standing in front of the TV. They may say “No, thank you” or “Please don’t stand in front of the TV” in displeasing voices, but they thought they talked in normal voice tones. They weren’t trying to sound nasty. They were trying to be polite.

No. We don’t need treatment! We just need opportunities to be around people like ourselves and to be accepted! However, with non-verbal and low-functioning people, speech therapy, etc. may be useful. Independence skills should also be taught.

Do you think autism can be cured (eliminated) in a person?

I think many independent skills can and should be taught, but in general, trying to make autistic people neurotypical is out of the question.

Name some of the strengths that you have that are a result of having autism. Name strengths that you have observed in other people who have autism or aspergers.

I am very good at day-date calculations; I can memorize entire travel itineraries; I could recite most of the screenplays from “The Wizard of Oz” and “Charlotte’s Web” when I was a kid; I knew all 64 Crayola colours when I was five; and I have a very good ability to understand other people with special needs and people who are troubled. I have also known other people with Aspergers who have amazing abilities not common in neurotypical people and I have seen strong compassion in some of these people.

Do you think children with autism should be mainstreamed , i.e. put into a class with neurotypical children? If so, should they have a resource room with resource workers to go to during part of the day? Or should children with autism be put in only with other children with autism?

Mainstreaming is an issue of contrasts for children with special needs. With some children, mainstreaming can be very beneficial, especially if they have teacher’s assistants to help them; with other children, mainstreaming can be very negative. This all depends on the individual. Therefore, I think there should be a variety of choices. There should be mainstreaming, special classes, special schools, and resource rooms.

What were the difficulties you as an autistic person experienced in school?

Misunderstanding teachers, bullying (particularly in Grade Eight and part of Grade Seven, and part of high school), assignment instructions that were not straightforward, and rejections by my friends and peers.

What difficulties have you experienced as an adult?

Difficulty in getting stable, rewarding employment; few or no opportunities to be around people like myself (I have very little in common with neurotypical people)

What are some things autism societies could do for adults with autism?

I think they could have social groups (NOT social skills groups!) for adults, as well as children, with high-functioning autism. I also think they could have directories for these kinds of people.

Respect
This is a major controversial issue in K-12 schools. Many schools put too much emphasis on respecting teachers and too little emphasis on respecting other students. Often, when penalties for disrespect are mentioned in school handbooks, all too often the “disrespect” they’re referring to is disrespect towards teachers, not harassment towards other students! In fact, in many cases, if a kid calls another kid a dirty name, all it results in is chastising and it’s dismissed as a common mistake, but if a kid calls a teacher by his/her first name, it’s as if the kid has committed a felony! Sometimes, even major acts towards other kids like violating personal parts of their bodies, bullying them in the washrooms, physically attacking them, etc. don’t count for nearly as much as calling teachers by their first names.

Personally, I do not believe that calling teachers by their first names is disrespectful, or that it would promote disrespect. Children call other adults by their first names, such as their parents’ friends, their friends’ parents, babysitters, recreational counselors, daycare workers, and in some cases, school paraprofessionals, and that doesn’t promote disrespect. In fact, that makes adults much more approachable. I know because in the Saskatoon Montessori school, kids call the teachers by their first names and they’re still as respectful as they could be. Other schools where kids normally call teachers by their first names include those in Denmark and Israel, as well as Jewish and Amish schools. Are kids disrespectful to teachers in those schools? Duh!

I’m not saying that children shouldn’t show respect to teachers. They definitely should. But tome that means listening, not talking or reading a book when the teacher is talking, using an appropriate voice when answering reasonable or innocent questions (which many kids don’t, and that upsets me a lot), and above all, no sassing or talking back! Kids certainly should respect their elders,and kids canNOT get sassy or rebellious with me. But respect and formality are as different as chalk and chocolate.

Strictly speaking, I think the penalties for harassing and bullying other kids should be as severe, if not more, than those for disrespect to teachers.

Friends vs. Disciplinarians
I feel that teachers (and teachers’ assistants as well) should be
more like mentors, rather than merely school authorities and disciplinarians. When I was in Grades 2-4, I was in a privately run special needs classroom, which was run by parents who disapproved of the special education programs in the public schools. In this class, I had a teacher during the second half of third grade and all of fourth grade named Karen (yes, we were on a first name basis with her and many of the other teachers in that program). Karen was motherly, and very affectionate, to the kids. She was very interested in our personal lives and mentored us. She even had us over to her home for lunch a couple of times, and invited us over for supper, each in turn. In addition, birthday parties were the norm in this class.

When I started attending a regular classroom in Grade 5 (because I was now too old for the other class), I couldn’t believe that teachers didn’t socialize with the kids, or show interest in our personal lives, or even give diddly squat about how we were doing or feeling when we were sick or in troubled times. And I was quite dismayed when I learned that birthday parties like the ones we had in the special program were not usual in schools. I couldn’t believe how birthdays were ignored in regular classes.

I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be disciplined in school. They most certainly should. But I really think school staff should socialize with the kids and show interest in their personal lives, instead of just getting down to business. As a teacher’s assistant, I socialize with the kids all the time. When I work one-on-one with them, I do some “small talk” or at least ask them how they’ve been. I like to learn about their lives, such as asking them what they did during Christmas and summer holidays, etc. I also like to play with them at recess. But I discipline kids as well, like when they’re not trying as hard as they could be, or especially if they misbehave. I don’t allow them to swing between desks or sit on the tops of desk chairs, because that can make the desks flip over and cause serious injury. And nobody harasses other kids when I’m around!

In Denmark, teachers act as mentors as well as educators, are called by their first names, and have birthday parties in class, most often in the younger classes. I think schools around the world should be like the schools in Denmark. (Kids don’t wear school uniforms in Danish schools either, knock on wood.)
How School Rules Are Inappropriately Organized

Although schools definitely need to have rules to enforce discipline, I really think discipline would be enforced just as well, or even better, if many common rules were eliminated.

Classroom Rules
Most first and second grade teachers don’t let children write in cursive in class, even if they already know how to do so, until they are all officially taught to do handwriting. I know a kid in Saskatoon who could write in cursive when he was four, and I was so impressed. But his first and second grade teachers wouldn’t let him do it in class and so, in fact, he pretty much forgot how. I felt disturbed by it and am still pretty peeved at his teachers. Once, when I was in first grade, I wrote my name in cursive on a class assignment, and the teacher (a man, in a special education class) reprimanded me for writing instead of printing and didn’t sound the least impressed that a six-year-old could write in cursive.

As well, many teachers in the lower grades tell kids how to do their text, even long after they’ve known how. When I was in first grade, I could do my letters and numbers in formal style, like what you see on books, signs, etc., but my teacher wouldn’t let me. He made me do them the way they’re normally written by human hands. It was the same when my mom was in elementary school. Even doing the lower case a’s and g’s the hard way got you reprimanded, just because you didn’t do them “correctly”.

I think that, as soon as kids know how to print and/or handwrite, teachers should let them do their text their own way (Don’t you teachers dare take credit off their assignments for that!), just so long as it’s neat and legible, and if it’s done carelessly and/or messily, then it should be corrected. And if certain kids can write in cursive, even in first grade, teachers please LET THEM! Don’t deprive them of their abilities! When it comes time for handwriting lessons, maybe have the kids who can already do handwriting do a more advanced handwriting assignment. Also, kids who already have good printing skills when it’s time to teach printing to the class should have separate, more advanced, printing assignments.

Sameness
This is very common in schools. For example, many teachers, particularly those in the upper grades, order students to do their work in pen and don’t give them credit if they do correct assignments in pencil. As well, in many high schools, students have to wear the same colours of gym shorts and T-shirts in gym class. And not to mention school uniforms, which I hate. I think uniform policies tunnel vision kids because there’s no diversity. While I certainly don’t think kids should be ridiculed for their clothes, or that conflicts should arise between fancy and simple clothes, I feel these problems could just as easily be solved if dress code policies were limited to maintaining clean and appropriate clothing and avoiding tackiness and vulgarity. Many schools in North America have dress codes that mention certain types of clothing that are acceptable and which are not allowed, and I strongly favour those. But telling kids what colours to wear, e.g., “white shirts, navy pants”, is downright absurd. A lot of Aboriginal people where I live wear red, black, royal blue, and purple, and if school dress codes tell kids what colours to wear, Aborginal children may not be able to wear their sacred colours. If kids are told to wear white shirts and navy pants, why, for crying in the bucket, can’t they wear green? There’s simply nothing wrong with wearing green, because it’s a peace colour! So if any authorities in schools or school systems that have uniform policies read this, I sincerely hope they’ll take this into account.

In other words, making rules about what colours and/or patterns to wear is asking for far too much. If certain colours or patterns cause problems in any school or region, i.e., suggesting death, violence, etc., I think the best thing to do is to simply ban those colours and patterns. Banning certain kinds of clothes, like some fancy types, may also be a good idea. If any school or school board authorities happen to read this page, if you have uniform policies, I sure hope you’ll consider what I’ve just said.

Grades
One of the problems with school grades is the discrimination they can cause, especially because children are often discouraged from playing with other children who are, say, one grade higher or lower than themselves. Some classroom teachers even make rules stating that kids are only allowed to play with kids from their own classes or grades at recess. When I was a kid, one of the reasons why I wanted to go to my neighbourhood school was because I had a couple of friends on my street who went to that school. When I finally went, I was really looking forward to spending recesses with them. Unfortunately, however, when I was in Grade 5, they were in Grade 4, and that put a barricade between us at recess. It was a big disappointment. They played with kids from their own class and wouldn’t include me, indicating that I was “too old”. Old schmold. I seem to recall my friends’ teacher telling them they could only play with kids in their own grade and not with me because I wasn’t in their grade. I was also disappointed that I couldn’t sit with them in assemblies because we weren’t in the same class.

So I don’t think friends should be discouraged from playing together at recess at all, whether they’re in the same grade or not. They could even teach each other.

Tardiness
After spending two years at a special high school in Canada, I went to a regular high school in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, where my dad and stepmother lived. I was so shocked by the way students were accused of being “late” when they walked into the classroom even five seconds after the bell rang, or even if they came into the classroom just as the sound of the bell was fading away. What unfair accusations! The same went for the other high school I went to in Fort Dodge, Iowa, where I went for another two years. I don’t think students should be counted for being late until they come five minutes late, or two minutes at the very earliest.

Other rules typical of high school
When I went to high school in Iowa, I was shocked by the way students were not allowed to leave the school at lunch. As a person with Asperger’s, I was already disturbed with the way kids couldn’t go into the deserted corridors or into the nice, quiet library at lunch, away from all the hullaballoo. I certainly could have used some solitude. And not being allowed to go out at lunch meant not being able to go for walks in the surrounding neighbourhoods, and I love walking outside. In Wisconsin, students were allowed to leave the high school at lunch, so there I’d been able to go for walks sometimes.

As well, I think high schools should have breaks, other than lunch. I think a 20-minute break would be very good. That would give students a chance to recuperate. Five-minute periods allowing students to go from one class to another is not a break and is simply not enough. We didn’t have breaks apart from lunch in either Wisconsin or Iowa, which truly shocked me. But in Iowa, even the lunch period wasn’t nearly long enough – only 25 minutes! I think one hour minimum is essential.

I’ve also heard that some high schools have locked the cafeteria doors if students didn’t get there at a certain time, though this wasn’t the case when I went to school. Let’s hope this discontinues altogether! If high school and school board authorities ever happen to read this, please take into account that high school students are being deprived of independence if they’re not allowed to go out on their own at lunch time or go walking outside at breaks – if you have them, which I hope you do. And please remember that not letting them go outside, in the hallways, or the library at lunch time keeps students from having much-needed solitude, and that can affect their attention and concentration skills.

Furthermore, I think K-12 classes should be designed for students to learn at their own pace. Not every student learns at the same pace! Teachers can just explain the concept of the assignments to various children, and then they, along with the teachers’ assistants, can help them if they need to. Those long class lectures are pretty much a waste of time, and it burns me up that they leave the kids so little time to do their work. If they had more time, homework would be lessened a great deal, and the kids wouldn’t have to do so much school-related busywork outside of school. The slow learners could take their time, and the quick learners could move ahead! In addition, the quick learners can teach the slow learners. Peer tutoring can be very beneficial for many.

Strictly speaking, I think schools should put far more emphasis on harassment, bullying, and inclusion/exclusion. All those rules, like calling teachers Mr./Ms. So-and-so, telling all first- and second-graders to print when they can handwrite, telling kids to do their text a certain style, making students do all assignments in pen, making high school kids in gym wear the same colours of T-shirts and gym shorts, those rigid tardy policies, uniform policies, etc. have little, if any, use in preventing harassment and bullying and promoting acceptances of differences. Schools with the worst bullying problems have all of the above rules. So we’ve been proven how little good they do. Furthermore, I would love to see more adults with special needs giving presentations in schools and, hopefully, demonstrating their talents and strengths. That really expands kids’ horizons. I know by experience. Many formerly bratty children become humane and compassionate this way. School and school board authorities, if you read this, I hope you’ll take what I’ve said throughout this essay into consideration.

NOTE:
Despite the schools’ flaws, I did have a good education in high school. For ninth and tenth grades, I went to a special high school in Saskatoon. This one didn’t have most of the typical high school policies that I’ve just mentioned, which was why I was so shocked and disturbed when I first went to regular high schools in the U.S. I had a very good relationship with the teachers, but many of the kids had behaviour problems and were like the rough teenagers you hear cussing on the streets in the middle of the night or hanging out in washrooms, cussing and vandalizing. I felt secure, though, because it was a small school, people knew everyone, and the work was not so advanced. Many people may regard it as, what would have been called in the 70s and early 80s, an EMR school, but in reality, it was a school for students with special needs who needed to catch up on their K-12 education. In fact, many of these students ended up graduating in regular high schools, like I did. If the worst happened, students could take post-secondary high school credit classes and eventually get a G.E.D.

I went to live in the U.S. after some conflicts between my divorced parents over my education in Saskatoon. The special education teachers in Wisconsin were very helpful, especially Mr. Landry, who I got in contact with on the Internet in the fall of 1998, but some of the ones in Iowa were about as much help as the “help” key on a computer. One of the math teachers was especially lazy and gave me third-grade work. I did, however, have some good teachers in Iowa, including my physical education, Global Studies and my Career Exploration teachers. And I successfully graduated in June 1988.

As well, despite the nerve-wracking environment I endured in high school, things that helped me in Iowa were a very good youth group at church, having a couple of school friends (with special needs) to hang out with, and getting together with my stepmother’s family, who lived about 20 miles from Fort Dodge. I had an especially good relationship with my stepmother’s brother’s children, who lived on a farm about 2 miles south of Eagle Grove, Iowa (as did her mother). Unfortunately, though, many people with special needs don’t have those things.

Q: Why did the boy throw his plate up in the air?

A: Because he wanted to see a flying saucer!

Q: Why did the boy put his clock in the oven?

A: Because he wanted to have a hot time!

Q: What’s the largest pencil in the world?

A: Pennsylvania.

Q: What’s the biggest soda in the world?

A: Minnesota.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup with you later.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Police.

Police who?

Police pass the salt.

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Isidore.Isidore who?

Isidore open?

Q: What are horses’ best friends?

A: Their neigh-eigh-eigh-bours.

Q: Can you say thanks in Hungarian?

A: Sure: “Thanks in Hungarian”.

Q: A father asked his son to pick five barrels of apples. How many barrels did the boy pick?

A: None. Barrels don’t grow on trees!

Q: Why don’t pigs fly?

A: Because they can’t afford plane tickets.

Q: What does a comedian like best for lunch?

A: A baloney sandwich.

Q: What letter is not in the alphabet?

A: The letter that’s in the mailbox!

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Catch.

Catch who?

Gesundheit!

Knock-knock.

Who’s there?

Irish stew.

Irish stew who?

Irish stew a merry Christmas!

Q: Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

A: Because the light was red.

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Black Sea, what does it become?

A: Wet!

Q: Why did the boy go to the ball game on such a hot day?

A: Because he heard there were lots of fans there.

Q: In what month do dogs bark the least?

A: In February. It’s the shortest!

Q: When is a door not a door?

A: When it’s ajar.